She doesn’t want to have anything to do with me.

On waking today, I heard the voices say, That, The girl, I won’t mention here name here, because she doesn’t wan’t me to have anything to say do or whatever to do with me, I mean I’ve never met her in person, It’s a long ago couple of months connection that I built up into a quasi religious experience. Internet kind of affliction, affection. It’s kind of similar to being a girl whose fallen in love with a Beatle circa 1964, Just utterly hopeless, yet the internet can make, especially foreign email correspondents so much the same as rock stars from another planet. In any case I still dream about that long lost possibility, but am on year two of not looking this person up. Not looking at her pictures, checking her facebook what ever.  But I am so hopelessly crazed about her that it’s never going away. Not, I saw her with another boy in my home town, she was one table away from me, and for someone who lives 5000 miles away, All I gave her after ten years on the web was eye contact. Naw it might not have been her. Could have been someone who looks a little like her. I didn’t get close enough to check details that I’d memorized from photographs. It’s weird how the internet can work. The girl who messed up the relationship with the one I am talking about started out as an internet thing. Long drawn out emails. But in person when I’d see her, we could barely communicate. This wasn’t the case before the long and drawn out emails with all the intimacy of the computer screen the attempts at wowing each other with intellect and wit. Attempts to draw battle lines and form an alliance. Not believing the other person at their word when they suggest that their going to destroy you etc. etc. So in a sense I think possibly it’s the jealous other that interfered with the far away inaccessible other that may be sending these telepathic messages about how the foreigner  is over you! Yeah sure she is. We’ll see about that. She’s clocked in like never before….